Know nothing about football? This is all you’ll ever need. It tells you everything about football. It is quite clearly marked as a book about football, and what’s more, it is the ultimate guide to football. There will never be a better guide to football, as this is the ultimate guide to football. Other publishers may try, but they’ll fail. This guide is the best there can ever be, as measured on the Bachen-Frauenhoffer universal guidebook scale.

Fact.

(at the book club)

Could this be the book that will finally give soccer the recognition it deserves here in the States?

How far does it travel if you kick it hard?

As far as the nearest bin

… but just what is a chap to do with a leather-clad bag of wind if he doesn’t have this learned tome by his side. It can be used to bludgeon an opponent when the umpire’s not looking!